guys whom i dunno. pls hav no hard feelings when ya come across this. i cant help it but to vent out everything for i jus cant concentrate on my revision for my engineering materail. it's like a killer paper. consist of like 70% man. if fail hav to forward module which i m totally not lookin forward to. humph* i managed to study and put all da mixed emotions aside.






taken on da last nite i was with him. i still could smile. wtf*


suddenly all da songs sang by Evanescence - Anywhere But Home makes total sense to me. as it is like being applied to wad i m feelin rite now. namely: Thoughtless. Taking over me. My last Breath. Farther away. Breathe no more. Tourniquet. Missing.


m i not a good girlfriend. m i possessive. i seriously dont think so. concuded that we r simply not meant to b together despite all da positive remarks we got. despite da fact that we could draw da circle together clockwise. despite da similarities we shared. despite da so-called love u once proclaimed. this was da poem i wanted to giv him intially. now it is washed away by da word "FEAR". wtf* it's not a reason. it's an excuse.



was it fate
that brought this union upon us
or was it jus of pure coincidence
wondering how could it be a coincidence
for both souls to click
oh so perfectly
clicking together with the ticking of time
drawing clockwise
hand in hand
taking a glimpse of your stunning eyes
which gleams like of pure diamond
non-exsiting temptation of possessing
such a precious stone
for looking at that pair of diamonds
inborn with you
satisfy me just as much
perhaps even more
now please dont look away
with you smiling
my heart cant stop melting
for you'd never fail to sweeten my screwed up days
people may say that i am taking a risky plunge
but i reckon that i am blessed
by only this heavenly word love.

was reminishing of you on 15th mar 05

at SP-T1854 (10:45am)

all these are washed off. i was indeed blind. i m numb to him. numb, deaf, and also blind. he gave me all. but da reason why. i only feel air now at night. not him. not love. just nothing. i thought he was awaken from inside but now it seems that he is still dreaming. and i am still crawling. for i am crushed. not physically but mentally and emotionally.

sometimes i wonder mayb mixing ard with bungs r much better. at least they understand. but then again. i m not a lesbian and i will not change bcos of this minor set back in my life. i've been through 6 failed ones. one more will not kill me. but it has killed da faith i hav for any other guys. i will not b as passionate and i will plunge so deeply. for i tried to kill da pain. but i felt much much more.

some people may think that i m crappy here. trying to earn pity from others. but let me assure that this is wad i m feeling now. i jus wan to blurt everything out here. like a form of "transferring" all da pain to my blog. thus i will not b as hurt and devastated.

say me wild. cheap. childish. bitch. wadever. but i am going to spend my nights with endless attention from anyone. as least there isnt any committment made.

screamed!!!!